


let me take you past our satellites (love me like you do)

by thunderylee



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Canon Universe, Fluff, M/M, Non-traditional romance, i wrote this to riha in an email, taekai bff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-01
Updated: 2015-08-01
Packaged: 2018-12-31 09:32:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,933
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12129567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thunderylee/pseuds/thunderylee
Summary: Chanyeol cooks breakfast for all of his one night stands.





	let me take you past our satellites (love me like you do)

**Author's Note:**

> reposted from agck.

Chanyeol cooks breakfast for all of his one night stands. That’s the first thing Jongin notices after they lease an apartment together. They’ve shared a dorm for so long that Jongin had thought he’d known everything about the older idol, but apparently not.

“I’ve always done it—you just weren’t there when it happened,” Chanyeol says with a grin when Jongin finally confronts him about it.

He would feel dumb if it was anyone but Chanyeol. Naturally they couldn’t bring girls back to the dorms, and Jongin had never put much thought into what Chanyeol did when he stayed out all night…other than the obvious.

“Now I just make enough for you too,” Chanyeol adds, and Jongin’s stomach growls as if it’s voicing its approval.

It doesn’t bother Jongin, not exactly. In fact, he’s unaware he even cares about it until Taemin points it out in that I’m-your-best-friend, I’m-just-looking-out-for-you, I-told-you-this-was-a-bad-idea voice that Jongin knows all too well.

“I think you’re here more than you were when we lived a couple floors apart,” Jongin comments as Taemin helps himself to the contents of their refrigerator. Chanyeol doesn’t mind; sometimes it feels like half of their agency lives here since Chanyeol keeps everyone’s favorites stocked for when they stop by unannounced.

“You’re evading the question,” Taemin says, and Jongin waits for it. “I’m your best friend.” _One_. “I’m just looking out for you.” _Two_.

Jongin folds his arms and stares expectantly.

“I told you this was a bad idea,” Taemin concludes.

_Three_.

“For your information,” Jongin starts smoothly, “this is working out better than I’d have ever imagined. Chanyeol-hyung is the best roommate a guy could ask for, and he seems to think the same about me.”

Taemin swallows his mouthful of pudding and wags the spoon at Jongin as he says, “Except for the little problem of you being in love with him.”

“ _I am not in love with him_ ,” Jongin hisses, glancing around like the walls were spying on them. “Don’t say shit like that.”

“Why, because it’s true?” Taemin kills the rest of the package and crinkles it for emphasis. “You wouldn’t give half a fuck where he sticks his dick if you didn’t want him to stick it in _you_.”

Jongin shudders at the thought, though it’s not completely out of disgust. “Why am I even friends with you?”

“Because I’m awesome.” Taemin grins and Jongin decides not to point out the drop of pudding on his upper lip. “You’re gonna wish you’d listened to me when he finds out and it gets weird.”

Jongin shoves Taemin out of the kitchen and into the entryway. “It’s not gonna get weird, because there’s nothing for him to find out, so let’s just go already.”

“Whatever you say~” Taemin sing-songs, resisting Jongin’s manhandling all the way out to the sidewalk. “‘Park Jongin’ doesn’t sound good together anyway.”

“ _Shut up we are outside,”_ Jongin lets out in a rushed string of breath, and Taemin laughs all the way to the mall.

The thing is, Jongin isn’t even a little bit in love with Chanyeol. He just adores everything about him. There’s a difference, okay. Love is for people you want to marry and make babies with. Jongin isn’t interested in any of that, lest of all with Chanyeol. What he has with Chanyeol is much more relaxed and comfortable. The biggest stress of their move was whether to splurge for the jacuzzi tub or not.

He’s only twenty-two, for fuck’s sake. Love is something he just sings about, something far off in the future. Chanyeol sure doesn’t love those girls he brings home, at least for longer than it takes the breakfast dishes to stack up in the sink. They’re too young, too busy, and too famous to mess around with any of that.

_That doesn’t mean it won’t happen_ , Taemin’s voice resounds in his head. _Love is uncontrollable_.

Taemin doesn’t know what he’s talking about, Jongin assures himself as he turns up his headphones. Chanyeol’s overnight companion is a little loud tonight.

“Sorry about that,” Chanyeol says the next morning after his lady of the evening leaves. They’d parted with kisses on the cheek like he was sending his wife off to work instead of a mutual goodbye with no intentions on meeting again. “She was a siren.”

“It’s fine,” Jongin says through his bite of pancake. He thinks about swallowing first, but it’s only Chanyeol. “I can hear my music better through the headphones anyway.”

“Does it make you uncomfortable?” Chanyeol asks suddenly, his already big eyes getting even wider like it had just occurred to him that he might be a horrible roommate. “I can stop if it does.”

“No!” Jongin exclaims, a little too forcibly. “I don’t mind at all.”

“If I thought you’d at all be into it, I’d bring home someone for you too,” Chanyeol tells him. He smiles sweetly and pats Jongin’s arm like he’d just said something really thoughtful, but Jongin just frowns.

“What do you mean?” he asks.

Chanyeol chuckles, a bit nervously like he’s not sure whether what he’s about to say will be received well or not. “You don’t ever talk about that stuff,” he says gently. “It’s obvious you’re either not into meaningless flings, girls, or sex at all…and that’s okay! More for me.”

Jongin laughs with him, though he’s not sure how to feel about it. Chanyeol doesn’t seem to be pressing for any information, so he just lets it go and carries on with his day. Despite his whole ‘Kai’ persona that oozes sex from every pore, Jongin only thinks about it when someone else brings it up: Kyungsoo commenting on a passerby’s legs, Baekhyun shaking his ass like a mating call. Jongin isn’t disinterested, exactly; he’s just not that interested either.

“Do you think I’m weird?” he asks Taemin the next time they hang out.

“You need to be a little more specific there,” Taemin answers with a grin that eases all of Jongin’s apprehensions. _This_ is why they’re best friends, not that Jongin would ever tell him that.

“About sex,” Jongin clarified. “I don’t really care about it.”

Taemin shrugs. “Never really thought about it. More for us, I guess.”

“Yeah, ’cause you’re such a lady killer,” Jongin teases, shoving Taemin hard enough to upset his drink.

“You wouldn’t know if I was or not,” Taemin says with a snort. “You don’t care about it, so I don’t tell you.”

“You make it sound so simple,” Jongin says with a sigh.

“Is this about Chanyeol?” Taemin asks, and Jongin can’t even feel aggravated because Taemin is _right_. “Are you finally gonna admit you have a hard-on for him?”

Jongin’s not sure how to answer that without incriminating himself further, so he just doesn’t. “He thinks he’s making me uncomfortable.”

“Is he?”

“No.”

It’s the truth, because Chanyeol is the most considerate person on the planet and makes every effort to keep his sexual adventures behind closed doors. Jongin wouldn’t even know that Chanyeol wasn’t alone if it wasn’t the _only_ time Chanyeol closed his bedroom door. Any other time it’s wide open, inviting company and conversation, even when he’s sleeping.

Not that Jongin has ever needed to talk to Chanyeol while he’s sleeping, but if he did, he’d have no remorse walking right into his bedroom and flopping next to him. Chanyeol’s the one he had gone to for attention when he was younger, anyway. Now he gets it whenever he wants, with no competition from the other members. Chanyeol isn’t _always_ bringing girls home.

Honestly, it doesn’t even happen that much, just enough to be a habit. Chanyeol’s not a man-whore or anything. From the way he’s explained it to Jongin the one time he was curious about Chanyeol’s all-nighters when they were still in the dorms, people just _gravitate_ toward him. Chanyeol is an incredibly relatable person who is super nice, caring, and—most importantly— _safe_. The girls with whom he spends the night just want to be closer to him, to be important to him if just for a little while, to sleep next to him and feel him breathe into their hair with his arms around them until morning.

Chanyeol gets the same thing out of it, so it’s mutually beneficial for both parties involved. Jongin understands that. More than anything in the world, he understands how Chanyeol attracts so many people. It’s not just girls either, though they’re the only ones Jongin has seen do the walk of shame in the morning. He’d once caught Chanyeol and Baekhyun making out after a long night of drinking. While Baekhyun cites it as the unfortunate turning point of his alcohol tolerance, Chanyeol teases him about it whenever opportune and offers to give Baekhyun’s potential girlfriends letters of recommendation.

It was more heated than anything Jongin has ever seen, even on TV and the in adult movies Taemin used to show him; he remembers standing frozen for a few long seconds while Chanyeol’s hands flew all over Baekhyun’s body like he had eight of them. It was the first time Jongin had ever really seen another person in the midst of something so passionate and it blew his mind. They both looked so _into_ it, especially Chanyeol. Everything about the way he touched Baekhyun made it clear that this wasn’t his first time navigating the male body, either. Jongin never questioned Chanyeol’s preferences after that; it was clear he could go either way.

It was so long ago and Jongin still hasn’t managed to get it out of his mind, like a .gif that loops over and over whenever he thinks about it. It’s not unpleasant by any means, just frustrating because it has nothing to do with him. Taemin would say that just affirms his _confident assessment_ that Jongin wants to be the one whom Chanyeol’s accosting, which isn’t entirely accurate. Jongin’s skin prickles when he considers it, but he’s not sure how he would feel if it actually happened. He doesn’t know if he’d be able to fuse Chanyeol his friend/roommate to whom he’s grown even closer in the few months they’ve lived alone together with…Chanyeol his lover. Somehow it seems like downgrading.

Work picks up near the end of the year and Chanyeol doesn’t even have the effort to stay awake after they finally get home, let alone go out and try to score. Jongin only misses the dorms when he has to carry Chanyeol’s dead weight all by himself; Chanyeol may be skinny, but his height makes him heavier than Kyungsoo. Sehun used to help and they would joke about the maknaes taking care of the hyungs, plotting to leave Chanyeol and often Baekhyun in the hallway one night to restore the balance of the world. Of course they never did, but it was fun to think about.

Jongin likes to try and stay awake for at least an hour, long enough to digest some of the dinner he’d probably just stuffed into his face on the way home. Sometimes he doesn’t make it any further than Chanyeol’s bed, falling in right next to where he’d dumped Chanyeol and resigning himself to indigestion as he succumbs to his exhaustion. The life of an idol is not easy and Jongin feels like he’s always rushing to catch up with everyone else, never quite grasping the goal that’s right in front of him but just out of reach.

The benefits of sharing a bed is body heat, which becomes more and more necessary with the growing chill outside. They have a heater, but they’re not home long enough to keep the apartment at a decent level of warmth and Jongin forgets to turn it on before they crash anyway. Chanyeol’s the only adult he knows who willingly buys a twin bed, which already has them pressed close together without even trying. More often than not Jongin wakes up with Chanyeol’s arms around him, squeezing him like a life-size stuffed animal and Jongin hits snooze on his alarm as long as he dares so that he can enjoy this last bit of comfort before another grueling day of dancing.

Their next day off is after twenty straight hours of PV filming and the only thing that keeps him going until the early hours of the morning is the promise of sleeping forever. By the time they get home, he’s ready to die and for the first time ever Chanyeol’s the one to help him inside, though it’s more out of muscle soreness than fatigue.

“How are you awake?” Jongin hisses as he almost trips over nothing; his knee is too worn out to bend properly.

Chanyeol grips his arm tightly, leading him down the hall and past both of their bedrooms into the bathroom. “You’re wrecked. You should take a bath before you go to bed or your muscles will be aching tomorrow.”

“They’re already gonna ache,” Jongin whines, but he doesn’t argue or protest even when Chanyeol flips the taps and starts undressing him.

“Besides, we haven’t gotten nearly enough use out of this jacuzzi tub.” Chanyeol’s grinning when Jongin can see again after his shirt is lifted over his head. “Best investment _ever_.”

Jongin has to agree. The tub is big enough for both of them, which will apparently be proven as Chanyeol’s clothes start hitting the floor as well. “You gonna bathe with me?”

“If that’s okay?” Chanyeol asks, tilting his head like a confused puppy, and all Jongin can do is nod. “If I leave you in here alone you might pass out and drown.”

“I think you would be more likely to do that than me,” Jongin teases, but Chanyeol just smiles as they get in. Chanyeol turns on the jets and Jongin hums happily, sinking as low as he can while the warm water massages his abused muscles.

They don’t talk for what feels like hours, not that Jongin would hear much with his ears underwater. Chanyeol’s voice is deep enough to cause vibrations, which Jongin feels after a few moments and floats up enough to hear properly. “What?”

“I asked, do you want me to rub your back?”

“ _Yes please_.”

His reply is so insistent that Chanyeol laughs as he gently guides Jongin up enough to reach his back. Chanyeol’s hands are magic and Jongin doesn’t even bother trying to stop the pleased noise that wants to come out, making Chanyeol laugh again as he works out just about every knot Jongin has ever had. His tension is quickly replaced by comfort, which makes him sleepier than ever before, but he fights to stay awake and appreciate everything Chanyeol is doing for him.

He gasps in surprise when Chanyeol moves him around and starts massaging his legs, but that’s what hurts the most and Jongin’s certainly not about to stop him. He doesn’t know what he did to deserve being pampered this much by his roommate, whose body took just as much of a beating as his had. Jongin makes a mental note to repay the favor tomorrow when he can move again.

“Feel good?” Chanyeol asks, his deep voice vibrating the water again, and Jongin’s head feels like it weighs a thousand pounds as he nods again. “Just a little longer, I’m almost done.”

“Take as long as you want,” Jongin mumbles out, and Chanyeol laughs as he digs his thumbs into Jongin’s thighs. It’s better than any professional massage and Jongin is sad when it’s over, though being dried off and wrapped in a fuzzy towel is nice too.

Chanyeol escorts Jongin all the way into his bedroom, where Jongin takes one look at his big king-sized bed and ignores all the pain in his neck to look over at Chanyeol.

“Stay with me tonight?”

If Chanyeol thinks that’s a strange request, his face doesn’t show it. “Just let me grab something to sleep in.”

The last thing Jongin wants to do is try and put on clothes, but he manages well enough and has made it halfway into his bed by the time Chanyeol returns. It’s completely different to have Chanyeol crawl into bed with him than the other way around, making him wonder whether he should scoot over or make the effort to detangle himself from the sheets. Chanyeol ends up taking care of all of that, tucking them both in so tightly that Jongin couldn’t move even if he wanted to, the warmth from the bath and the lingering tingles from Chanyeol’s massage leaving more comfortable than he should be after such a physically demanding day.

Chanyeol falls asleep with his hand on Jongin’s arm, breathing lightly with his hair in his face that mesmerizes Jongin even after his heavy eyelids have lost their battle with gravity.

Normally days off are spent with families or catching up with non-idol friends, but it’s Tuesday and everyone Jongin knows is busy. He ends up tagging along on a lunch date with Chanyeol and his older sister, which isn’t weird at all until she starts asking them questions about their apartment.

It’s the usual stuff they get asked, teasing comments about who does the cooking and who does the cleaning (Chanyeol cooks and neither of them clean until they absolutely have to), but Yoora keeps grinning at Jongin like he’s somehow enlightened her life when he knows that Kyungsoo is her favorite EXO member.

“What do you do with the spare room?” Yoora asks innocently, her eyes sparkling just like Chanyeol’s do when he’s being devious, and all at once Jongin realizes what she thinks they are.

“We have our own rooms,” Chanyeol answers calmly, like it’s not a blatant accusation that speaks volumes without saying a word.

Yoora hums like she doesn’t believe that at all, but thankfully she lets it go. Jongin’s older sisters wouldn’t have given up nearly as easily, but Chanyeol has always spoken highly of Yoora and she’d probably be the first to know if there were dubious happenings other than what they’ve told everyone else.

The first after Jongin, anyway, though he’s not too sure of that anymore with as easily as Chanyeol changes the topic. It’s so smooth that Jongin doesn’t notice until they go to leave, when Yoora scoops him up in her arms despite being the smaller one and whispers for him to take care of her baby brother.

He wants to argue that Chanyeol’s the one taking care of him, but he doesn’t think that will help his case much.

The next time Chanyeol goes out, Jongin doesn’t notice until he’s halfway into bed. He’d been out himself on a long overdue BFF date with Taemin and didn’t even bother to look down the hall when he’d gotten home. He’s more than a little drunk and flops right into his bed, rolling around to appreciate how big it is after the twins in the dorms.

It’s not so much that he notices that Chanyeol had gone out as he notices that Chanyeol is now home. And very much not alone. While Jongin has heard enough female moans from the next room to orchestrate the Korean version of AKB48 in his mind, this is the first time he’s heard a male.

It takes a high-pitched giggle to realize that Chanyeol hadn’t actually brought a man home. Chanyeol _is_ the man.

Chanyeol’s moans sound so foreign that Jongin easily disassociates them in his mind, hearing Chanyeol the porno star who is separate from Chanyeol his roommate, group mate, and friend. This is what justifies Jongin’s hand creeping down the front of his pants, anyway, his own noises dying in his throat as he gets off on every low grunt and groan from the other side of the wall.

He wonders what tonight’s guest is doing to Chanyeol to elicit such a reaction. Jongin hasn’t heard him any other time, and he wasn’t always wearing headphones. The concept of other people having sex is moderately fascinating; at least, he always listens intently when Kyungsoo and Sehun go on about their heterosexual adventures. As long as they don’t involve Jongin, he’ll listen all they want.

Now Jongin’s not entirely sure he wouldn’t want to be involved anymore. It’s way too easy to imagine Chanyeol’s moans without the wall between them, maybe Chanyeol’s hand in Jongin’s pants instead. The insufferable memory of Chanyeol and Baekhyun resurfaces and Jongin hardens in his own hand, mindlessly squeezing his fingers while he puts an image with the noises, a mixture of Baekhyun and some faceless girl and maybe Jongin himself.

None of it makes sense, but it’s so _hot_ that he doesn’t care, shamelessly jerking off while Chanyeol has sex (or close to it) in the next room. A low groan goes right up Jongin’s spine and Jongin thinks the girl might be sucking him off, lips tight around his dick while he arches on his bed. Maybe sinks his long fingers in her hair, guides her up and down, fucks her face until—

Chanyeol’s next moan is about an octave higher and Jongin comes hard, pumping his cock onto his belly until he’s spent. He hadn’t even made it out of his clothes, his shirt pushed up to his collarbone to avoid a mess, and his heart thumps in his ears as the reality of what he’d just done crashes down onto him. His sudden sobriety leaves him numb, going through the automatic motions of cleaning himself up and getting ready for bed properly, and by the time he lies down again, there’s nothing but silence on the other side of the wall.

He’s sweaty and exhausted and so, so confused, torn between talking to Taemin and just keeping it to himself, waiting to see what happens next. The only thing for certain is that he doesn’t see Chanyeol as just a friend anymore, not at all, because he came harder just from Chanyeol’s moans than any time he’s actually gotten off with another person.

When he wakes in the morning, he’s not entirely sure what happened other than he’s hungover as fuck. Stupid Taemin and his stupid shot games. Jongin will never understand how someone so much smaller than him can hold his liquor so much better.

Chanyeol’s frying up something delicious in the kitchen when Jongin stumbles out, prying his eyes open through his pounding headache to see if anyone else is there. It wouldn’t be the first time he’s eaten breakfast with a complete stranger, but it looks like last night’s tryst hadn’t stuck around for free food.

“Where’s…?” Jongin trails off, mostly because his voice doesn’t quite work yet. He doesn’t know what to call them, either. He and Chanyeol haven’t talked about them enough to give them appropriate labels.

“Had to go to work,” Chanyeol answers, and even his chipper morning voice is reminiscent of the sex noises from last night and Jongin nearly falls over as he’s hit with the memory full force. “Hey, you okay? It’s not that shocking that I talk to girls with jobs, is it?”

“No, no.” Jongin waves dismissively, laughing at the misunderstanding. “I’m just wrecked.”

“You don’t say,” Chanyeol replies, and Jongin focuses his eyes to see Chanyeol smirking at him. “Grab some coffee and sit down. Breakfast will be ready shortly.”

“I love you,” Jongin blurts out, because nobody takes care of him better than Chanyeol and he’s so lucky to have someone like that in his life, even if it’s someone who’s a bit promiscuous. “You’re my favorite hyung.”

“Aww, you’re cute,” Chanyeol says without turning around, clearly unaffected at the admission. People declare their love for him all the time—fans, the other members, random people he meets—and it’s never a big deal, never taken the wrong way. Or maybe Chanyeol just likes being the recipient of all kinds of affection. It’s part of what makes him a great idol.

Jongin’s love for Chanyeol grows when a plate of steaming food is set in front of him, accompanied by a gentle pat on the head. He looks up to see Chanyeol’s frilly yellow giraffe apron and it’s quite possibly the dumbest and most adorable thing in the world, a gag gift from Jongdae that Chanyeol actually uses every time he cooks.

“I heard you last night,” Jongin’s mouth says without his permission. “I’ve never heard you before.”

The yellow fabric and tiny giraffes swirl in front of him as Chanyeol takes the next seat, full attention on his plate. And were those his cheeks turning pink? “Ah, sorry about that. She wanted me to make noise. I didn’t think you were home. I checked.”

“I came home in the middle of it,” Jongin admits, feeling both anxious and relieved that this conversation is finally happening. “It was…interesting.”

“Oh?” Chanyeol glances quickly over at Jongin, his face relaxing at whatever he sees. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“I don’t know,” Jongin answers honestly, pursing his lips in thought. “I thought she might be doing something different than the others…”

That has Chanyeol grinning, though the flush spreads throughout his face. “They’re all different, really. I just usually hold back because I know you’re trying to sleep.”

“You don’t have to.”

Jongin is never drinking again. He’s clearly not in control of his actions right now, because things like that just come out of his mouth and he can’t take it back without looking even more conspicuous.

“Okay,” is all Chanyeol says, offering a quick nod as he turns back to his food. “Eat already. You’ll feel better once you get something in your stomach.”

Just like that, everything is back to normal. Work and sleep take over their schedules again and the next time they have a night off, Chanyeol grabs Jongin’s arm before he has a chance to make plans with anyone else.

“Let’s stay in tonight, yeah?” Chanyeol suggests, his face lit up like the midday sun. “We haven’t hung out in _forever_. We can watch dumb movies and eat incredibly fattening food and talk about meaningless shit until we pass out.”

“That sounds _perfect_ ,” Jongin replies, because it does, even if Kyungsoo overhears them and teases them about their gay home date for the rest of the day. All Chanyeol says to refute it is that Jongin is the cheapest date he’s ever had.

All Jongin can think is that if this really were a date, he’d put much more effort into his appearance. He can’t say the same for Chanyeol, whom he’s seen leave the house in fairly questionable attire, but at least they both match with their ratty sweats and pineapple bangs. Jongin’s starting to wonder if he should have went ahead and applied a face mask with as lax as everything is, though that would have gotten in the way of all the junk food they consume.

Three hours in and Jongin’s half awake, slumping on Chanyeol because he’s there. The downside to being tall is that it’s not usually comfortable to lay on other people, but Chanyeol’s taller and slings an arm around him easily. It’s no different than movie night in the dorm except it’s just the two of them; it feels strangely quiet without Baekhyun’s obnoxious laughter and Kyungsoo pointing out every inaccuracy in the plot.

Jongin’s not even tired, a combination of his comfort and a food coma luring him into a pleasant state of subconsciousness. He’s close enough to Chanyeol to feel Chanyeol’s heart beat, slow and steady like the sea, making his own calm down even more. Something scary happens in the movie and he doesn’t even jump, too relaxed to focus on much more than how nice it feels to sit like this.

He’s still not tired when Chanyeol’s ready to turn in for the night, pouting until Chanyeol laughs and pokes him right in his extended bottom lip. “There’s no reason why we can’t do this all the time,” Chanyeol points out. “I’m just on the other side of the wall.”

When he puts it like that, it’s not as disappointing and Jongin grins as they stumble down the hall, legs still weak from their rehearsal earlier. Chanyeol squeezes his shoulder and continues down the hall, leaving Jongin standing at his own doorway feeling lost. Part of him wants to follow, to invite himself into Chanyeol’s bed and see what happens when they’re not worn out from work, but that’s also the reason he’s terrified to find out. After the other night, he’s no longer confident it wouldn’t just be rushed whispering and laughing together until the sun comes up.

His own bed seems so big all of the sudden. He spends a few minutes scrolling through his phone and catching up on social media, but the late hour makes it hard to focus on tiny print and he gives up. Bored, he turns off all the lights and crawls under the covers, stretching every muscle he can find until he feels loose and limber for the first time in a long while.

He’s starting to think he might actually fall asleep after all when he hears something that has both of his eyes flying open, because there’s no way that was anything other than what it _was_ and he’s 103% confident that Chanyeol is alone in his room.

His tension reappears immediately, filling all of his nerves and sinking his nails into the mattress because this is just for _him_. Chanyeol knows Jongin likes his noises—because he’d _told him_ , the fucking moron—and isn’t holding back anymore, as promised, even by himself. Jongin doesn’t know what to do other than lie there and listen, worrying about what will happen next. Will they talk about this too? Will they pretend it didn’t happen? Will this be more than Jongin listening to Chanyeol get off?

“Jongin- _ah_ …” that deep voice groans out, making Jongin’s blood run hot. “Are you awake? Knock on the wall if you are.”

Jongin’s hand lifts on its own and taps his knuckles against the wall. A chill surges down his back at how real this is; Chanyeol is just on the other side of the wall, doing whatever he’s doing to himself to create those beautiful moans, low and less rushed than when Jongin had heard them before. He likes these ones better, if he had to choose. It’s either them or the fact that Chanyeol _knows he’s listening_ that has him rock hard and rolling his hips against the barely there friction of his covers.

“You can come in here, if you want.”

Jongin forgets how to breathe for a few minutes, focusing through the blinding pangs of arousal to consider his options. He could go into Chanyeol’s room and see what happens, just like he’d wanted to before. Given the events leading until now, it would likely result in the terrifying outcome. He’s not sure he’s brave enough to walk right into the dragon’s lair.

He tries. He uses all of his courage and energy and willpower to sit up, but he can’t. It’s just Chanyeol, he tells himself, thinking back to all of the reasons Chanyeol sleeps around to begin with. He has a lot of affection to give. He just wants to be close to people. He likes to give and receive pleasure in all forms. Chanyeol’s known Jongin for what feels like forever and probably understands him better than himself, especially when it comes to this stuff. Jongin doesn’t know anything; Chanyeol knows everything.

_Go fuck him already,_ Taemin’s voice booms in his head. _You’ve already crossed the line, may as well go all the way_.

Except there’s no way that Taemin would actually say that, because Taemin was against this cohabitation from the very beginning. Jongin realizes too late that he’s actually _lying to himself_ to encourage himself to get up and go into the next room, yet he still can’t manage to move his legs.

Chanyeol doesn’t speak again for a few very long minutes, which has Jongin thinking the window of opportunity has closed and Chanyeol will take this as a sign to stop until Chanyeol’s next moan goes right to Jongin’s cock.

“That’s a lot to ask of you, isn’t it?” Chanyeol asks, his voice deadly. Or maybe Jongin’s just hearing it differently now. “How about this. If you want me to come in there, knock on the wall again.”

This time Jongin’s hand doesn’t move. The ball is in his court. One knock and Chanyeol will come to him, into his bed, and do whatever Jongin will let him do. The possibility has Jongin breaking out into a sweat, shaking from both the sudden chill and his nerves, his only coherent thought to fling his hand against the wall so hard that he might have bruised it.

He hears Chanyeol’s bed shifting, then footsteps leading out of his room. They continue down the hall, pausing at Jongin’s door, which is halfway open. Jongin sees Chanyeol’s shadow and immediately feels calmer, his trembling subsiding when Chanyeol slowly steps into his room.

“Jongin?” he whispers, a far cry from the sex kitten voice he had a few seconds ago. “I can’t see anything and I don’t remember the layout of your room.”

“Walk forward,” Jongin tells him, his voice unsteady. “Turn to the left a little—that’s too much. Okay, there. The bed is on your right.”

Chanyeol blindly reaches down and pats the mattress. Jongin could reach out and touch him, but his body isn’t listening to his brain signals. Instead, Chanyeol bumps into him on his way in and crashes right on top of him, knees in stomachs and elbows in faces.

“Shit, sorry!” Chanyeol exclaims, attempting to straighten himself out without hitting Jongin anymore. It’s a little like untangling headphones and Jongin bursts out laughing, his apprehension fading completely as Chanyeol finally stretches out next to him and steals half of his pillow.

“That was not sexy at all,” Jongin teases him, and Chanyeol shoves at him. His hand lingers, smoothing the tension in Jongin’s shoulder, and Jongin takes a well-needed deep breath.

“What do you want from me?” Chanyeol asks quietly, like there’s anyone else there to overhear them, but his words ring loudly in Jongin’s ears. “Whatever you want, I’ll give you.”

“I don’t know,” Jongin answers honestly. His hand finally moves up to touch Chanyeol’s arm, grabbing onto it like a lifeline. “I’m so… _hot_ from your fucking _voice_ …but I don’t know.”

“I won’t do anything you don’t want,” Chanyeol says, his tone so firm that Jongin would be intimidated if it wasn’t about his own limits. “If you just want to watch me, that’s fine. If you want to touch me without me touching you, or vice versa, that’s fine too.”

Jongin thinks about Chanyeol’s hands on him more than they already are, in places they’ve never been, and his skin burns beneath his clothes. He thinks about his hands on Chanyeol, feeling the body he’s only seen, earning those moans on his own. All of it feels like too much, the pressure making his heart race, but then Chanyeol’s palm is on his chest, those big eyes seeing him clearly now that they’re used to the dark, and everything feels right.

“I want all of it,” Jongin says firmly. “I want _you_.”

Chanyeol’s lips part slightly in a silent gasp, but all he does is nod as he slides his hand up to Jongin’s throat, dragging his fingers along the skin. “I never thought I’d hear you say that to me…or anyone.”

“I’m not sure that’s what it is,” Jongin admits. His body is so on fire right now that probably anyone could put it out, but Chanyeol’s the only one he trusts to do it. “But it’s how I feel.”

“Good enough for me,” Chanyeol says just before closing his eyes and leaning down. Jongin braces himself for a kiss, but Chanyeol’s lips brush the underside of his jaw and it ignites such a tingle that it goes all the way to his toes. “You okay?”

“Yeah,” Jongin answers, and he is. The more Chanyeol touches him like this, the more he gets used to it and becomes open to the idea of more. “I like it.”

“Good.” Chanyeol scoots closer, pressing his front to Jongin’s side, and nothing could have prepared him for the hardness pressing into his hip, followed by the hitch of breath just below his ear. “Thought the familiar noises might help you relax.”

“Genius,” Jongin scoffs, half joking until Chanyeol leans up to emit a moan right into his ear. Jongin arches uncontrollably, a shameful whine escaping his lungs but Chanyeol doesn’t laugh at him, just lifts his hand to trace the features of Jongin’s face, lingering on the outline of his lips.

“Can I kiss you?” Chanyeol asks, his nose already rubbing along Jongin’s cheek, and Jongin just turns his head to answer him. He expects Chanyeol to devour him, but the kisses are so soft and light that Jongin’s the one who wraps his arms around Chanyeol, pulling him closer. He feels Chanyeol’s gasp of surprise as he deepens their kiss, the one thing he enjoys doing in these situations. Once he gets past that initial barrier, he can kiss for hours, entertained by all the different ways his tongue can loop around another’s.

Chanyeol must lose some of his willpower because he rocks against Jongin more pointedly, moaning wildly into their kiss. Jongin’s arousal soars and he starts to reach down to adjust himself, but a split-second flash of bravery has him grabbing Chanyeol’s wrist on the way. Chanyeol’s even more surprised than Jongin when he makes contact with the bump in Jongin’s pants, but he needs absolutely no time to catch up as his fingers wrap around the length and squeeze.

Their kiss breaks abruptly when Jongin’s spine straightens, sending his head flying backwards so fast that he would have smacked it against the wall had he been up any higher. Chanyeol doesn’t seem bothered by it, making up the physical contact loss by pressing his lips all over Jongin’s outstretched neck. A sharp grind and an equally as sharp moan has Jongin actively shoving Chanyeol’s hand _in_ his pants, keeping his own fingers wrapped around Chanyeol’s wrist as Chanyeol jerks him steadily.

“ _Yes_ …” Jongin hisses, flushing with heat at his own wanton nature showing itself after so long of hiding. “Hyung, please.”

“What do you want?” Chanyeol asks, sounding out of breath as he returns his lips to Jongin’s ear. The faintest moan has Jongin’s hips snapping, adding his own noises to the mix, and Chanyeol _growls_ so low that Jongin feels it in his bones. “I’ll do whatever you want.”

“I don’t know,” Jongin says again, starting to get annoyed at going around and around like this. “What do you want to do to me?”

“That’s a loaded question, Jonginnie.” Chanyeol chuckles lightly, easing Jongin’s sudden tension. “I want to do to you whatever you will like. I want to make you feel good. I want to make you _come_.”

Jongin’s breath catches as he turns toward Chanyeol, luring him back into a kiss. He’s getting braver with each stroke of Chanyeol’s hand on his cock, finally letting go of Chanyeol’s wrist to gently grab onto his side. “That all sounds nice,” he murmurs between kisses.

“I could make you come like this,” Chanyeol says, flicking his wrist for effect and humming proudly at the moan he pulls from Jongin. “Or I can take you in my mouth. Would you like that?”

“God, yes,” Jongin answers automatically, his cock hardening even more at the thought. He’s had blowjobs before but never like this, not when he was already so worked up by someone he cares so much about who is into this all for him.

Chanyeol doesn’t say anything, just kisses his way down Jongin’s chest. He lowers the sweats enough for Jongin’s cock to feel the harsh sting of air, which only lasts as long as it takes for Chanyeol to suck it into his mouth, swallowing almost the entire length in one go.

Jongin’s not proud of the noise that tears from his lungs, but he doesn’t care that much about it with the wet heat that envelops him. His hands sink into Chanyeol’s curly hair, gently rubbing his scalp because it feels like the right thing to do as Chanyeol moves back and forth, his lips tight around Jongin’s cock to make it even better.

“Almost,” Jongin warns way too soon, losing his breath as his orgasm looms closer, sped along by Chanyeol’s increased ministrations. A low, drawn-out moan prefaces the release that quakes his whole body, offsetting the stability of Chanyeol’s mouth and tongue that licks at him until he twitches from sensitivity.

“That was beautiful,” Chanyeol’s voice pierces through the haze, deep and thick like morning. “Is it okay if I finish myself off?”

“I’ll…help,” Jongin offers, his reluctance more out of exhaustion than any anxiety. “Come back up here.”

Chanyeol climbs up Jongin’s body so fast it’s almost comical, like he’s scurrying up the edge of the cliff to keep from falling over, but then his erection is digging into Jongin’s thigh and Jongin shifts gears. Bending his knee has Chanyeol whimpering into his neck, eliciting a flood of aftershocks that make him shudder. Chanyeol makes a concerned noise, but Jongin just wraps both arms around him to pull him closer and that seems to squash any worry Chanyeol might have had.

“What do _you_ like?” Jongin asks, feeling braver than any time he’s danced on stage with Chanyeol becoming a writhing mess on top of him. “What can I do to get you off?”

“My ears,” Chanyeol gasps out. “Lick them, bite them, suck them, anything. I love it.”

It’s such an unabashed admission that Jongin just does it, seeking out the ear closest to him and going down each action on Chanyeol’s list. Licking makes him shudder, biting makes him cry out in a way Jongin’s _never_ heard in his voice before, and sucking has him rutting against Jongin’s thigh so roughly Jongin’s surprised he doesn’t finish right then.

“Hyung,” Jongin breathes, trying to stay quiet because he’s so close to Chanyeol’s ear. “You’re so hot right now.”

“Close,” is Chanyeol’s response, his legs clamping around Jongin’s thigh to get the best friction. Jongin thinks about reaching down to touch him, feeling Chanyeol’s hard cock in his hand and jerking him off all the way, but he doesn’t get much further than thinking before Chanyeol’s groaning out his name and shuddering to a still on top of him.

Jongin blinks at how calm everything is, now that it’s over and they have to address it as something that happened. Chanyeol’s heartbeat is actually faster than Jongin’s right now, but that might be because of his orgasm. It seems to take Chanyeol a long time to come down, making no effort to detach himself from Jongin to go clean up.

“Stop thinking,” Chanyeol whispers, raspy like he’s still trying to catch his breath. “It was fun, it felt good, it doesn’t have to mean anything—unless you want it to.”

“What does that mean?” Jongin asks, the clarity after orgasm making him speak his mind. “To mean something, that is.”

He’s just confused himself, but Chanyeol just leans up to press their lips together, briefly enough to leave behind a tingle that has Jongin wanting more. “It means we do this a lot.”

“Kissing?” Jongin asks.

Chanyeol nods, leaning down to kiss him again like it’s his reward for a correct answer. “All the other stuff, I can take it or leave it. I don’t need sex from people I love. I’d rather just lie here with you than fuck some stranger I just met. It’s the same level of intimacy to me.”

“Really?” Jongin exclaims, a little too excited for such a late hour, but it feels like he’s finally found his comfortable medium between being disinterested in sex but being interested in Chanyeol. “As long as you’re not disappointed with me…”

“I could never be disappointed with you,” Chanyeol says strongly, and Jongin believes it. Chanyeol heaves a sigh before rolling out of the bed. “I’ll be right back.”

Jongin takes the few moments of solitude to mull things over in his head. Taemin couldn’t have been more wrong, and Jongin can’t wait to rub it in his face. He and Chanyeol are something more than they were, more than Chanyeol could ever have with the girls he brought home. Jongin starts to wonder whether that means Chanyeol will cook him breakfast now, then realizes he always had.

His face breaks into a grin when Chanyeol returns, looking forward to sleeping close to him more than anything else. He’s changed his clothes, but his hair is still sticking straight up from Jongin’s unintentional styling that makes Jongin’s face heat up to remember.

“One day at a time,” Chanyeol tells him as they curl together in Jongin’s big bed. “Today is day one.”

Day one turns into day two, then day three, then day thirty, and before Jongin knows it they’re signing the lease for another year. It feels a little bit like signing his life away, but Chanyeol’s grin makes it easier even if Sehun keeps asking when the wedding is.

Jongin still argues that they’re not like that, despite sharing his bed more often than not and sometimes getting off together. True to his word, Chanyeol doesn’t push him or whine about not getting any, and he hasn’t gone out by himself since before they started whatever this is. When Jongin asked about it, Chanyeol simply told him he didn’t need to anymore.

“I still don’t think this is a good idea,” Taemin tells him. “He’s eventually gonna want more and you can’t give it to him.”

“You’re a horrible best friend,” Jongin replies, brushing it off, but that’s the main worry that won’t leave his mind no matter how much Chanyeol assures him it doesn’t matter to him. Even without Taemin pointing it out, Jongin is well aware of Chanyeol’s needs and consistently thinks he won’t be able to meet them, at least without faking it and hurting himself in the process. The older he gets, the more he believes he’s just not wired that way, to be able to feel that specific kind of emotion everyone else does when they yearn for their chosen person and do nothing but think about being with them. Jongin has never felt that way for anyone in his life.

Not to mention he keeps giving Chanyeol mixed signals. He knows he’s doing it as they happen, little bursts of affection he feels and gives right away because it makes Chanyeol so happy. I’m-thinking-of-you messages, holding his hand when no one is looking, snuggling into his embrace whenever they sleep together. They spend so much time together that Jongin’s surprised he hasn’t needed to take a minute for himself to breathe yet; he can breathe perfectly fine with Chanyeol right next to him.

Chanyeol is a constant in a world full of uncertainty. Chanyeol’s smile brightens up even the darkest of days, his hands soothing away the most painful of tension. He can feel how much Chanyeol cares about him in everything he does, every look he casts over during rehearsal just to check on him, every time he touches Jongin’s back as they walk to remind Jongin that he’s there. If anyone else did that, it would be annoying and invasive, but it’s okay since it’s Chanyeol.

He loves Chanyeol in his own way, even if it’s nothing like the songs, even if the concept of forever suffocates him. He worries that one day Chanyeol will want something more, something serious, and— “I don’t wanna lose you, hyung. You’re the closest I’ve come to feeling anything like this and I’m so scared I’ll do something to screw it up and hurt you. You get so happy when I say I love you, but it’s not the same kind of love. You’re so important to me, and I care about you so much, but I don’t _need_ you like everyone else needs their chosen person. I’m just really happy when you’re here.”

Chanyeol listens carefully, a thoughtful expression on his face as he takes in Jongin’s words. He may not show it, but Jongin knows they sting, because nobody wants to hear that the person they love doesn’t love them the way they love him. Jongin has already lost so many almost-relationships with those exact words, never even making it to the official status. He’s not sure if it’s because Chanyeol is a man, or their history together, or just how Chanyeol treats him that Jongin’s wanted to stick around this long, though the word “boyfriend” makes him twitch.

“Thank you for being honest with me,” Chanyeol finally says, resting his hand lightly on Jongin’s arm like Jongin’s going to pull away at the last second. Chanyeol is always careful about touching him like this, giving him the opportunity to consent to _everything_ , and it just makes Jongin feel even more horrible because Chanyeol deserves so much better than this. “There’s nothing you just said that I didn’t already know.”

“I know, but…” Jongin trails off, sighing at the frustration Chanyeol can’t pat away this time. “It’s not fair to you.”

“I think it’s up to me to decide what’s fair to me, don’t you think?” Chanyeol asks gently. “Feelings are different for everyone. Some couples become attached at the hip and others can be separated for months without any problem. Some have sex all the time and others only when the mood strikes. The movies and dramas and even the song lyrics we sing aren’t sole indicators of how everyone should feel. It’s specific to the people involved, and I’m telling you for the millionth time that I don’t care how you love me as long as you do.”

Jongin hangs his head. “I feel so bad all the time.”

“Don’t.” Chanyeol’s voice is so final that Jongin feels like he’s being scolded, cringing at the tone. “Sorry, sorry, I just feel so strongly about this and I want you to understand that as long as you want me here, _I will be here_. As long as you want me to touch you, I will touch you anywhere. As long as you want me to love you, I will love you with all my heart. If you ever decide it’s too much, or you don’t want it anymore, I’ll cut back or stop.”

“I don’t want to disappoint—” Jongin starts, but then Chanyeol grabs his face with both hands, staring into his eyes so deeply that it penetrates his soul.

“The only thing you could ever do to disappoint me is just leave without giving me a chance to make it right. Don’t give up on me, Jongin.”

“Isn’t that my line?” Jongin asks, his voice coming out as small as he feels, but Chanyeol’s smile raises him back up.

“I won’t give up on you either,” Chanyeol says, his grip relaxing to slide his arms around Jongin’s neck. Jongin braces himself for another kiss, but Chanyeol just leans their foreheads together until Jongin’s breathing evens out. “We’ve worked too hard to walk away from everything we’ve built together, and I’m not just talking about the past year.”

Jongin nods. If there’s one thing he understands, it’s that right there. “I’ll try my best not to run away,” he says, as close to a promise as he can get.

“Please talk to me whenever you feel like this,” Chanyeol tells him, and Jongin nods again. “I don’t care how many times I have to hear it, I won’t get annoyed. I won’t get tired of saying the same thing over and over again. I want to know every time you question my feelings so I can cement them for you. Maybe if I do that enough, you’ll eventually realize that I’m here for you no matter what and the bad feelings will just go away.”

“I hope so,” Jongin whispers, feeling such an unattainable wish in his heart.

Not two weeks later they’re working together with the rest of the group when Sehun bursts through the doors like a giant blond wrecking ball, all smiles. “I passed!”

The others cheer, but Jongin peers at him. “What did you pass? Did you apply for university or something?”

“Oh god no,” Sehun snorts. “I passed my STD test!”

“Me too!” squeals Baekhyun, popping up like a Jack-in-the-box for a ridiculously complicated high-five sequence with their youngest. “Another year being clean!”

“You wouldn’t have to worry so much if you sluts didn’t fuck anything with a hole,” Kyungsoo comments evenly from behind his magazine.

“Don’t hate ’cause you’re having a dry spell,” Baekhyun teases.

Junmyeon rolls his eyes mid-stretch. “Maybe if you two were more _careful_ you wouldn’t freak out every time we have to get tested.”

That has Sehun and Baekhyun’s bright faces falling. “Yes, leader.”

“At least Chanyeol doesn’t have to worry about that this year!” Minseok declares with an evil grin. “Only one place he’s been sticking it.”

Jongin squeezes his eyes shut, dreading whatever is going to come from this discussion. Usually the others are good about leaving them alone, but they’re also incurable trolls.

“Now, now,” Jongdae plays along, and Jongin already knows what he’s going to say before it comes out of his mouth. “Maybe Jonginnie is the one who sticks it!”

“Knock it off, perverts,” Chanyeol says, shoving Baekhyun the laughing hyena since he’s the closest. Chanyeol’s smiling, but there’s an edge to his voice that has Jongin even more uncomfortable. He doesn’t want the members to fight because of him.

“Jonginnie must be _amazing_ in the sack to get Chanyeol-hyung to settle down,” Sehun comments. “He was more of a player than me!”

Jongin doesn’t open his eyes until the arm around him squeezes his shoulders, a silent request to keep it together. Jongin puts on his best smug face and shrugs, channeling his stage persona to feel flattered by the statement, but Chanyeol knocks it all down in one breath.

“Or maybe he’s so amazing out of it that I don’t have to go to anyone else for anything.”

A dead silence greets the admission, which really would flatter Jongin if he wasn’t so embarrassed. Kyungsoo scoffs and Jongin waits for it, for someone to read between the lines and give them a hard time about not doing it, but Junmyeon is the first one to smile and the others seem to feed off of him.

“I’m glad you two are so happy together,” Junmyeon says, walking over to hug them both from behind the couch. “It warms my heart to see a love like yours in a world filled with such hate.”

“Don’t get mushy,” Yixing teases as he fails at hiding a sniffle. Sehun dives over five people to console him to the chorus of “you two are next!”

“Don’t look so surprised,” Chanyeol whispers later, when Jongin’s still trying to wrap his mind around the rest of the group being completely okay with they way they are. “They love you almost as much as I do.”

Jongin tries really hard not to pout, but he knows he fails when Chanyeol pouts right back, exaggerating so much that Jongin wants to push his bottom lip back into his mouth. He feels so good about everything right now that he actually does, pressing his mouth to Chanyeol’s with his hand firmly cupping Chanyeol’s jaw. Chanyeol gasps but responds, carefully grabbing Jongin by the waist and pulling him close, kissing him so soundly that Jongin forgets about everything that’s not Chanyeol.

“You know, I kind of like that you don’t do that very much,” Chanyeol says when they part. “It makes it feel so much better when you actually do.”

Jongin smiles and kisses him again, his worries fading with each brush of their lips. Chanyeol’s arms hold him so tightly that there’s no doubt in his mind that Chanyeol’s completely into this, not just settling for what Jongin will give him. He’s genuinely happy with just a kiss, just the warmth of their bodies together completely dressed. Aside from some rushed handjobs whenever Jongin is actually in the mood, very rarely letting Chanyeol go down on him, they don’t do anything sexual. Jongin doesn’t think about it and Chanyeol doesn’t try for it. At this point, if Chanyeol ever actually asked for it, Jongin would probably give it to him.

“Hey,” he says against Chanyeol’s lips, feeling even braver with the way Chanyeol whines at breaking the kiss. “Let’s do it.”

“Do what?” Chanyeol asks with a grin. “Take a trip?”

“Have sex,” Jongin says, and Chanyeol blinks. “You’ve been so patient with me, I want to reward you.”

“Don’t do it just because you think I want it,” Chanyeol tells him, and Jongin hangs his head. “Hey, none of that. If you want to do it because you want to do it, I’ll do it. Until then, I won’t.”

“What if I never want to do it?” Jongin asks. “How do you know if you want to do it anyway?”

“Oh, you’ll know.” Chanyeol kisses his way down Jongin’s jaw, making his head fall back. “And if you don’t, well, we’ll just keep doing this.”

“Okay,” Jongin agrees, but he’s frowning. The minute Chanyeol notices, he kisses him until he can’t think anymore. “You’re the best, hyung. I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

It’s not even an extraordinary day when it happens. Just another morning, a full schedule ahead of them that Jongin doesn’t want to think about as he strolls into the kitchen. Chanyeol doesn’t notice him right away, focused on whatever delicious concoction he’s cooking and Jongin feels like the luckiest person in the world. He’s gained ten pounds since they’ve lived together, but everyone says he looks healthy. And _happy_. Jongin never thought he would be able to attribute both of those to another person, but the proof is right before him hovering over the stove, wearing that stupid giraffe apron and muttering under his breath about measurements or something.

Jongin gasps as everything starts to change. When Chanyeol asks him about it later, he won’t be able to say whether it was a quick flash or a gradual growth, but in the span of a minute Jongin goes from standing there admiring Chanyeol to remembering their few physical interactions, the way Chanyeol’s hands had felt on him and how that deep voice had sounded in his ear. The muscles in Chanyeol’s arms flex as he stirs the pan and Jongin’s skin tingles at the memory of how they feel around him, imagining them clinging to him or maybe pinning him down. It’s a pleasant thought, not uncomfortable in the least, and Jongin entertains the thought of Chanyeol’s weight on top of him until a sharp shudder courses through his entire body.

_This is it_ , he thinks, the excitement bubbling up inside him along with his sudden arousal. _It’s finally gonna happen_.

His timing couldn’t be much worse, but he doesn’t care. Firm strides lead him up to Chanyeol, who jerks in surprise when Jongin wraps his arms around him and kisses the back of his neck.

“Ah, Jongin!” Chanyeol exclaims. “I didn’t know you were up. Breakfast is almost… _oh_.”

Jongin knows how Chanyeol works and goes right for the ears, only leaning up a little bit to suck them past his lips. He drops his hands to Chanyeol’s hips and holds him still when he starts to slump, Chanyeol’s own hands gripping onto the edge of the counters on either side of the stove.

“Jongin…what…”

It’s exhilarating to render Chanyeol speechless and Jongin answers his unasked question by pressing flush against him, grinding slowly against Chanyeol’s backside. Chanyeol makes an incredulous noise and reaches out to flip off all of the burner switches before melting completely into Jongin’s embrace, his moan surging through Jongin’s body and making him even hotter.

“I want it,” he whispers into Chanyeol’s ear, following his words with a nibble and Chanyeol jerks in his arms. “I want _you_ , and I know what it means now.”

“Jongin…”

Chanyeol spins around and presses their mouths together, the heated kiss taking Jongin’s breath away as Chanyeol seems to touch him everywhere at once. The pair of them bump into the counter and that seems like a good place to lean, Jongin’s knee lifting to wrap around Chanyeol’s thigh as he rocks his erection into Chanyeol’s quickly growing one. Chanyeol’s hand grabs onto Jongin’s ass and pulls him closer, his noises dying on Jongin’s tongue as Jongin’s body throbs for more.

Chanyeol hesitates at the waistband of Jongin’s shorts like he’s not sure if Jongin’s going to change his mind, but Jongin just nods and Chanyeol’s hand dips inside, wrapping around his cock and driving him even crazier. Jongin returns the favor with no active thought, groping Chanyeol through his own shorts and drinking down the moans he gets.

“Jongin, wait—” Chanyeol starts, but Jongin shakes his head.

“Don’t tell me to stop unless you really want me to,” he hisses. “If you want me, then show me. Show me _everything_.”

“I was just gonna tell you that I’m not doing this in here,” Chanyeol says, his voice all air, and Jongin blinks before dragging Chanyeol across the apartment to his bedroom. It’s Chanyeol who pushes Jongin down onto the bed and all at once Jongin feels how much Chanyeol has been holding back, how much he’s wanted it this entire time. It’s in the way Chanyeol kisses him like he’d drown otherwise, the way his hands grip Jongin’s arms so tightly they’re shaking, the way their legs tangle like they’re meant to fit together.

Jongin barely has enough coherence to stretch an arm out toward his nightstand, but he manages. When Chanyeol realizes what he’d gotten out of the drawer, he gives Jongin a look that Jongin wants to commit to memory, amazed and pleased and respected all at once. Wordlessly, Jongin pushes the tube into Chanyeol’s hand and prepares himself for a protest, but Chanyeol just leans down to kiss him more softly, his body stretching out on top of Jongin’s like they’re just resting together.

“I’ll take care of you,” Chanyeol whispers against his lips, and Jongin nods. He trusts Chanyeol completely, even when their clothes are gone and Chanyeol’s urging Jongin’s knees up to his chest. “If you wanna stop at any time, just say the word.”

“Okay,” Jongin agrees with zero intention of doing that at all. Chanyeol blows on his slick fingers and Jongin’s glad for it when the mild chill hits the inside of his thigh. It feels strange and nice at the same time, his arousal soaring the closer Chanyeol gets between his legs. He squeals when Chanyeol makes contact with his rim, but it’s not unpleasant by any means. “It’s okay.”

Chanyeol smiles into their kiss, which abruptly ends when Chanyeol presses a fingertip inside and Jongin’s head flings back. He doesn’t know what to make of any of this, but his body is wholly approving of where it’s going and he gives Chanyeol what he hopes are encouraging noises as one long finger inches its way inside him.

“You gotta help me out here,” Chanyeol says, lips all over Jongin’s neck as he speaks. “If something feels good, tell me.”

“I will.” Jongin starts to wonder how he’s supposed to know what to tell him, then Chanyeol starts bending his knuckle and there’s definitely something inside him that wants to be touched. “A little deeper.”

“Okay.”

Chanyeol moves his finger in and out, pressing further and further until he barely grazes that spot and Jongin arches, his legs automatically spreading to take more. “Right there, hyung.”

A swear word Jongin’s never heard from Chanyeol falls from his lips as Chanyeol crooks his finger, rubbing that spot until Jongin thinks he’s going to crawl out of his skin. Chanyeol pulls out long enough to return with a second finger and the thickness of it has Jongin groaning, two fingertips better than one and he grabs for Chanyeol’s head, pulling him down into a kiss that’s all tongues and heat.

The third goes in easily and if there was any doubt in Chanyeol’s mind how much Jongin wants this, it just flew out the window at the obvious signs of his body, stretched and wanting nothing more than Chanyeol inside him. Jongin might say as much, voiceless whispers against Chanyeol’s mouth, but then Chanyeol’s moan rocks him from head to toe. All at once it’s gone, the fingers disappearing along with Chanyeol’s weight as he leans back on his ankles.

“I don’t suppose you have a condom in there too?” Chanyeol asks, gesturing toward the nightstand. “If not, I’m gonna have to kill the mood to go grab one.”

“Do you need to use one?” Jongin asks, forcing his mouth open to form the words. “We’re both clean…”

“Trust me, you want me to use one, especially since we’re working later.” Chanyeol grins down at him. “Maybe when we have more time to clean up afterward, we can go without.”

Jongin wrinkles his nose, catching the gist of Chanyeol’s reluctance as he retrieves a condom from the drawer. “I never liked using them very much.”

“You never liked having sex very much,” Chanyeol points out, and Jongin can’t argue with that. He doesn’t even know why he wants to do it _now_ , just that he’s very aware of how stretched he is and how empty he feels. He watches Chanyeol roll on the condom, mesmerized by the sight, then looks up to see Chanyeol staring down at him. “Are you sure you want to do this?”

“ _Yes_ ,” Jongin says. It comes out a little exasperated and Chanyeol laughs, which makes Jongin laugh until he feels the head of Chanyeol’s cock poke inside him and nothing is funny anymore. “It’s okay, hyung.”

Chanyeol waits a few more seconds, then hisses as he pushes in, eyes on Jongin’s face the entire time. It’s sweet and weird at the same time, but it only lasts until Chanyeol bottoms out and falls unceremoniously on top of Jongin, his thin frame shuddering and shining with sweat.

“Hyung?” Jongin asks, wrapping his arms around Chanyeol’s back. “Are you okay?”

“Perfect,” Chanyeol moans out, and Jongin realizes this is just what Chanyeol’s like in the heat of passion, disoriented and twitchy and clinging onto Jongin like he’d fall otherwise, his face pressed into Jongin’s neck where harsh puffs of air tickle his skin. “You’re perfect. _Jongin_ …”

He starts to move and Jongin can’t think anymore, every breath and heartbeat in tune with Chanyeol’s rhythm. He has to pull his knees up a little higher but Chanyeol can hit that spot, which he realizes very quickly when moans tear from Jongin’s lungs and his nails dig into Chanyeol’s back. Chanyeol plants his knees on the bed and snaps his hips, pounding into Jongin so hard and deep that Jongin feels it in his fingers and toes, Chanyeol’s noises growing deeper and more gravelly with every thrust.

“Hyung…” Jongin gets out, shaking his head when Chanyeol leans up in concern, peering at him through very hooded eyes. “Feels good. You feel so good.”

Chanyeol groans so low that is vibrates Jongin’s whole body, even inside where Chanyeol is penetrating him. All Jongin can do is hold on, moving in time with Chanyeol’s efforts that create a harmony that only they know. They’re closer than any two people can feasibly be and it still doesn’t feel close enough, even when Jongin slides a hand up in Chanyeol’s hair to guide him back into his mouth.

Kissing during sex is more of a battle than an intimate moment, Chanyeol’s tongue firm and thick from the heat of his own arousal. It has Jongin’s head spinning and he gives it back just as hard, rolling his hips in the process and Chanyeol’s moan tastes better than anything he’s ever cooked. Then Chanyeol’s shifting on top of him and Jongin nearly cries at the big hand stroking his cock, stimulating him even more inside and out.

“Jongin, Jongin, Jongin…” Chanyeol pants, wet lips still brushing together like he can’t pull away. “You’re so perfect, Jongin. I love you so much.”

“Hyung—” is all Jongin can get out before Chanyeol’s kissing him deeply again. Everything speeds up tenfold and Jongin doesn’t know who’s going to come first, his own arousal quickly accumulating in his groin while Chanyeol jerks on top of him like he’s lost control of his coordination.

He realizes too late that the jerking _was_ Chanyeol finishing, the sudden halt of everything an obvious indicator. Before Jongin can whine too much, Chanyeol’s hand starts back up and his mouth returns to Jongin’s neck and jaw, catching his own breath while Jongin loses his. Jongin’s orgasm nearly knocks him out, his body very aware of Chanyeol still inside him as he spills over Chanyeol’s hand.

“You’re going to regret this later,” Chanyeol gasps out, his breaths seeming to take his entire body to inhale and exhale.

“No, I won’t,” Jongin says firmly, lifting a shaking hand to comb through Chanyeol’s damp hair. “That was amazing.”

“Not because we did it,” Chanyeol corrects, “but because we have to work an entire day after doing it.”

It could have been worse. Just meetings, photoshoots, and interviews, minimal dancing. Baekhyun for sure notices Jongin moving gingerly and surprisingly keeps it to himself. It doesn’t hurt as bad as it looks, but that might be because every ache reminds Jongin of Chanyeol inside him, so _lost_ in whatever he feels beyond physical gratification. Jongin may not feel the same thing, but he can certainly appreciate when someone else feels it because of him.

“What even made you want to do it?” Taemin asks as he heats up leftovers in Chanyeol’s microwave. “Do you have a weird apron fetish or something?”

“ _No_ ,” Jongin answers, glancing fondly at where the apron hangs on the wall next to the pantry. “The stars just lined up, I guess. Or the blue moon came out. However the saying goes.”

Taemin removes the plastic wrap and shoves a giant scoop in his face. “You gonna do it again?”

“Dunno.” Jongin shrugs. “Maybe.”

Chanyeol chooses that minute to walk into the kitchen, greeting Taemin with a bro-fist on his way to the teapot. “Got really quiet all of the sudden. Were you talking about me?”

“Sort of,” Taemin answers. “Discussing Jongin’s new Chanyeol-sexuality.”

Chanyeol’s laugh is soothing, calming Jongin before he can get ruffled. “Whatever keeps him around.”

“You know if you hurt him, I’ll have to kill you, right?” Taemin cowers a little under Chanyeol’s raised eyebrow, which moves closer to loom over Taemin’s smaller frame. “You know, metaphorically.”

“You don’t have to worry about that,” Chanyeol tells him, “but you’re a good friend for looking out for him.”

“ _Finally_ ,” Taemin huffs. “Someone appreciates me!”

Jongin lunges forward to grab him in a headlock, but Chanyeol gets there first and Jongin feels a swelling in his heart he doesn’t quite understand. But he’s confident that Chanyeol will help him figure it out.


End file.
